For the love of Pete – don’t come near us!

In case any of you have had the urge to visit us in Hometown USA…


We just got back from the doc, and not only do we have 3 nasty gross colds, but we also have 2 cases of conjunctivitis and 1 ear infection. Not bad for a family of four, huh? Too bad they don’t have prizes for “Your Husband is a Dumbass and Brought Home Malaria While Working in the Ghetto, then Didn’t Wash His Hands Enough”. I think we’d win first prize every stinkin’ year.

Actually, more than likely he did a stupid man-thing and wiped his eye on his sleeve (I know, how frickin’ gross is that!!!), then forgot to change his shirt. He works in restoration, which is a fancy way of saying he puts your house back together if it blows up due to fire/flood/smoke/soot/sewage/rain/suicide/homicide, etc. So um, yeah, his clothes come home pretty messed up most days.

For those of you unfamiliar with the joys of conjunctivitis, if you are male, it goes something like this…

  • Your eye feels a little more watery than usual
  • Said eye begins to feel like there’s a hair stuck in it –  wifey says “better go see the doc”
  • While mulling over a visit to the doc, the hair begins to feel like Mount Rushmore is behind your eyelid and there is suddenly yellow/green gooey stuff running down your face
  • You put off going to the doctor again, and when you wake up, your eye is the size of a baseball and you can’t open it at all because it is sealed shut with yellow/green junk that has turned to concrete
  • You pick up the phone to make a doctor’s appointment, then realize that your whole family is now oozing yellow/green gooey junk all over the neighborhood – way to go, dumbass!

Oh crap – make that 3 cases of conjunctivitis – I just noticed my eye is itchy.

Disclaimer: If you are my husband and are reading this – the above comments were made for humorous purposes only and do not represent you.


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Caution: Under Construction!

I’ve decided my life needs a major overhaul. I want to quit smoking (I know – bad mommy – but it’s pretty much kept me sane while my husband goes through a self-centered bastard phase that I’m chalking up to the fact that he doesn’t get all my attention anymore); join a gym six miles down the street (until a couple of years ago I’ve always had jobs that have kept me pretty fit); eat better; cut back on the coffee (nectar of the gods); get more sleep; and be more involved with other parents and kids. I’m a home-body, but I really miss the social life we had before our best friends moved from next door to 13 hours drive away, and Connor is ready to start playing in team sports. And, last, but most definitely not least, I want to start creating again…I’m a woodcarver/painter/ artist by nature. Some or all of these “renovations” should help me not be so dang cranky.

Succeed Making Major Life Changes

The majority of people, myself included, have gotten used to the instant gratification of the information age. Want to learn about building a website? Google it. Hungry? Throw a frozen dinner in the microwave for five minutes. Unfortunately, instant gratification is not conducive to living a healthy life (mentally or physically) or to making a major life change.

So the big question is: how do people actually succeed at making dramatic changes in thier lives? There is no immediate fix answer. Making change not only takes time, it takes dedication and understanding that without setting small, attainable goals for ourselves, we’re bound to fail because the larger goal seems like it’s just to difficult to reach, and we will feel overwhelmed by the larger task.

Baby Steps

As you can see from the list above, I want to make some pretty drastic changes, and a whole lot of them. I tend to dive into any project head first, work as hard as I can at it, and if my energy is gone before the project is completed, I get burned out and end up putting it off yet again. So to help ensure my success at the life overhaul I’ve got in mind, I’ve developed a plan to help make those long-term goals achievable. I’ve broken it down into baby steps.

The first change I’ve decided to tackle is getting more sleep (sleep has a large bearing on being successful in any of the other changes). My long-term goal is to be in bed at 10pm and awake at 5:30am. It’s been about three weeks since I started working on my sleep issues, and I’m doing pretty well so far. I’m in bed and asleep usually between 9- and 11pm every night, and up between 4- and 6am every morning. Every week, go to bed and wake up at more consistent times that are closer to my final goal. Since I have a three-month-old baby this goal is going to take a little more time and work than it normally would, but with a little patience and some not-unreasonable leeway, it is definitely attainable. It takes three to six weeks for something to become a habit, but I’m allowing myself more than that – as Kyle gets a little older and starts eating solids (in three weeks), I can tweak my sleep schedule to be where I would like it. Believe it or not, I’m actually a morning person at heart, and its nice waking up not feeling like I got run over by a Mac truck or wanting to filet anyone who speaks to me too early in the morning. (Did I mention that I switched to decaf while I was pregnant and haven’t touched caffiene since? I miss real coffee 🙁 )

To be successful in making big changes, take a close look at each one and break it down into the smaller changes that the big change depends on.

Extreme Sports? Okay. Extreme Change? Not so much!

Many people, as I mentioned I tend to do above, often try to go from one extreme to the other. If you’ve never been one to work out and when you decide to focus on your fitness, you build a complete home gym in your spare bedroom, chances are pretty darn good that all you’re going to end up with is some dusty exercise equipment. What you should do instead is start out going for a couple of walks or jogs a week, then step it up to four times a week, then maybe purchase a treadmill…you get the idea. Jumping in head first works great if you are a professional bungee jumper, but not for making life changes.

Don’t expect a big change to happen overnight. Plan and make time for the little changes so you don’t set yourself up for failure.

Change for Change

If you attempted to change something about yourself in the past and failed, but would like to give it a go again, make sure you change the approach to take! A classic definition of insanity (or addiction) is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Many people fail before they’ve even started because they convince themselves that they failed because they just didn’t work hard enough, and do the same old thing again instead of trying something new.

Re-evaluate how you approached a change and come up with a new plan before you attempt to make that change again.

Success is Addictive!

Setting smaller goals not only makes the larger goal seem more attainable, it also feeds our need for the good feelings being successful gives us. Make sure you give yourself the time required to achieve the goal, and allow yourself some slip-ups. Nobody is perfect. Just make sure you try to get back on track as quickly as possible, or the change you are seriously trying to make will just end up another lost New Year’s Resolution.

Acknowledge your small successes, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you regress a little.

That said, I’ve already signed Connor up for T-ball and swimming lessons. Soccer is next (for the fall), and I’m going to check out our local Family Network once Kyle is a little more sturdy – they offer all kinds of activities, have special father-kid days, and do all sorts of fun stuff. I would highly suggest you see if your town or city has something like it – I’ve heard its wonderful!

Now I’m off to the chiropractor to get my hip adjusted so the dang thing will heal and I can sign up at the gym…

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